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ID#:16 | Rating: 2035 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?
ID#:71 | Rating: 837 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
You shouldn't say anything mean about people who can't read. You should write it instead.
ID#:5 | Rating: 367 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
The Internet: All the piracy, none of the scurvy.
ID#:38 | Rating: 307 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
He didn't know if it was a gun in her pocket or she was just pleased to see him, but neither option looked good.
ID#:14 | Rating: 184 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
ID#:103 | Rating: 174 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
I cry during sex.... fucking Mace
ID#:72 | Rating: 153 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.
ID#:13 | Rating: 90 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
If my hand could get pregnant, today I would be the father and founder of the third global superpower.
ID#:11 | Rating: 85 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Your mum is so fat, she walked past the TV and i missed the first season of Lost.
ID#:63 | Rating: 72 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
I'd like to meet the person who invented sex, and see what they're working on now.
ID#:24 | Rating: 46 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
My love is so great that a thousand men could not keep me from stalking you.
ID#:52 | Rating: 46 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
coffee just isn't my cup of tea
ID#:21 | Rating: 40 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Shakespeare says: "Prose before hos."
ID#:57 | Rating: 35 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
It appears the location of my fist and your head are not mutually exclusive! It is a probability miracle!
ID#:91 | Rating: 34 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Don't drink water - fish have sex in it
ID#:102 | Rating: 34 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
The axiom of Paris Hilton: "I must go down on what comes up."
ID#:18 | Rating: 33 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
That's about as much fun as a game of Marco Polo with Helen Keller.
ID#:56 | Rating: 29 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
If I was ever playing hide-and-go-seek I would want Anne Frank on my team.
ID#:77 | Rating: 29 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?
ID#:10 | Rating: 27 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends.
ID#:61 | Rating: 22 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
SARS: the "Mambo Number Five" of global epidemics.
ID#:8 | Rating: 21 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
I USE CAPS LOCK BECAUSE I WILL BECOME NOTICED, POPULAR, AND GOOD IN BED
ID#:34 | Rating: 18 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
"If I build it, they will come." - God, on the creation of the clitoris.
ID#:55 | Rating: 18 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
The most effective copyright protection known to man: a scratched CD.
ID#:23 | Rating: 16 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
The Vending Machine Theory: "Stuff tastes better when it falls."
ID#:64 | Rating: 15 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.
ID#:15 | Rating: 14 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
ISRAEL PULLS OUT OF GAZA, GAZA NOT PREGNANT
ID#:20 | Rating: 14 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
The Stock Market Drinking Game! - Invest all your money, lose it, and become an alcoholic!
ID#:60 | Rating: 7 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
what WOULDN'T Jesus Do?
ID#:17 | Rating: 6 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
A lot of folks say I'm not the brightest bulb in the knife drawer.
ID#:19 | Rating: 6 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Coming Soon... Law & Order PCAMPIEOFTD: Petty Crimes Against Municipal Property In Excess Of Five Thousand Dollars
ID#:9 | Rating: 5 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
I got cold hard cash for Christmas. Five bucks frozen in a block of ice.
ID#:6 | Rating: 4 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
I'm pisexual. I am attracted to 3.142 different sexes.
ID#:58 | Rating: 1 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Sticks and stones may break my bones but life contingencies and statistics are pure shit.
ID#:7 | Rating: -3 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Firemen always have plenty of hoes.
ID#:25 | Rating: -11 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
"The 7 Habits of Highly Gulible People" - #1. Buying books to tell you to work better and waste less time.
ID#:94 | Rating: -11 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
If we're all God's children, then that makes me incestuous.
ID#:22 | Rating: -16 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Worth my weight in old dirty rocks.
ID#:35 | Rating: -16 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
I just want peace on Earth. That's better than being selfish, right? So I should get more presents.
ID#:53 | Rating: -18 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
*Insert funny MSN name here.
ID#:28 | Rating: -22 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
I bought the movie Deep Throat because I'm fond of animal pictures, and I thought it was about giraffes. :S
ID#:32 | Rating: -30 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Why was there no Lebanese boxing team at the Olympics? They pulled out when they heard the fights were 1-on-1.
ID#:54 | Rating: -31 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Girls, n: They are said to be deadly & have been known to ruin lives with 4 simple words, "let's just be friends."
ID#:29 | Rating: -32 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
Santa Claus, the annual rooftop masturbator. He comes down chimneys once a year.
ID#:37 | Rating: -39 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
My other MSN name has a joke in it.
ID#:12 | Rating: -1054 Vote Down Vote Up Submitter: Doc
"AHHHH! Global Warming! It's right behind us!"
223 Messquotes to Date!